How Oprah and I are the Same

Oprah Winfrey and I have some serious similarities. And, some glaringly obvious differences.

It's the similarities that I love - and who wants to be exactly like someone else anyway - even Oprah?

Aside from the fact that we both live in the same town (I understand that Oprah just bought a home in my little town of Kailua, Hawaii), we both also have a best friend. (Addition: I just found out today, boo hoo, that the paper misreported the info and Oprah's not my neighbor.)

Oprah has Gayle, and I have Marian.

Oprah has said that her nightly phone calls with Gayle King have been how she has grown and evolved to such a high personal level in her life without therapy. Though I've had my share of therapy (a good thing as far as I'm concerned), my 20+ year best friendship with Marian has played a huge factor in my growth into the woman I am today.

I think, aside from your healthy intimate partnership, a best friend relationship is the most important connection you can have in life.

I think a best friend:

• loves you completely and unconditionally and accepts who you truly are - regardless of how different she is from you
• tells you the truth (yes, your butt looks huge in those pants!) in a kind compassionate way
• considers you family
• would do absolutely nothing in the world to hurt or harm you
• cheers your successes and mourns your losses
• keeps your personal secrets and is unwavering in trustworthiness
• brings a smile to your face when you think of her
• can work out difficulties in your relationship when they come up
• can laugh with you in that silly, snorting, pee your pants kinda way
• will show up for you whenever you need her

A best friend doesn't sleep with your husband, gossip behind your back, take and never give, or show up only when she has something to gain.

A shocking number of women do not have best friends - or a group of women friends for that matter. To me this is a shame.

Our growth as women depends on relationship. How else do we get to see ourselves? A best friend is our mirror - we see ourselves reflected back in her.

I became best friends with Marian when we were in graduate school. She had pink hair and I smoked. We've changed a lot since then, for the better I might add, and our relationship has had a lot to do with our personal growth.

If you don't already, I want you to have a stunning best friend. I want you to see in her eyes how wonderful you are and the few places that you could do some polishing.

Look around. If you don't have a fab best friend right now, who in your world are you attracted to? Who feels like a woman that you want to hang out with at the coffee house, or go to the kids playground with, or trade stories with? Pick a woman who has qualities you admire - some may be like you and some may be ones you aspire to.

Finding a best friend has some chemistry to it - a vibe, an energy of knowing that you somehow know this person already. So when you choose, don't neglect to try on how this person feels.

I'd love to hear your best friend stories. Post a comment below and let us know how a best friend has impacted your life.

And, Oprah -- I'm looking forward to meeting you on the beach someday!