Happy in Your Relationship?

I've been seeing a lot of couples in my counseling practice lately. I am always so glad when a couple comes through my door looking for help, because there are so many couples and families out there who are really struggling in the world.

Unfortunately many people tend to wait until there is some kind of crisis before they get help. And, really sad are the couples who come to me to end their relationship - when counseling or some type of assistance could have helped years ago.

I'm here to tell you that if there is trouble in your life or relationship, seek help now - don't wait until there is so much damage that repair is not an option.

How do you know to get help in your relationship? Here's what to look for:

• there is any type of abuse - emotional, physical, etc
• you are unhappy with your partner
• you are fighting dirty - name calling, throwing objects, blaming each other
• your sex life has changed
• you or your partner has become distant
• you feel like a roommate instead of an intimate partner
• you have just had children and are adjusting to the change
• there has been a shift in roles, such as one of you has become a stay at home parent
• you have relocated
• you are experiencing financial difficulties
• you feel more grumpy or irritable with your partner than happy to be around him or her

Maya Angelou, wise woman of our times, says:

"If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good Morning' at total strangers."

If you are treating those outside your home better than you are those inside, that's a sure sign to get help.

In most states, you have several options to get some great counseling. Here's the kind of professionals you can choose:

• Clinical Psychologist - has a Ph.D, which means that they have trained for generally about 4-6 years to provide counseling and other helping services.
• Marriage and Family Therapist - MFT - has a Masters degree and is trained specifically in the area of helping couples and families, though this profession can do more than that.
• Social Worker - LCSW, QCSW, DCSW - has a Masters degree, and can focus in their training in multiple areas such as, community, medical, or clinical.
• Licensed Counselor - has a Masters degree and has been trained to provide counseling in a general way.
• Psychiatrist - MD, provides medication assessment and management and may sometimes provide counseling as well.
  

All the above professions may be licensed in your state, which means that the individual has taken at the very least a written test and has been supervised for a number of hours.

The best way for you to find a referral to a good counseling professional is to ask a trusted friend, family member or doctor. If you know someone who is happy with their counseling professional, that is a great endorsement. If you call a counseling professional and they cannot see you, for whatever reasons, ask that person for referral names.

What's important in choosing the right professional for you is how comfortable and confident you feel with that professional. Does that person understand you? Do feel like you are improving? Do you feel like you can ask questions and reject the counselor's ideas?

If you took your car to a mechanic's shop and it was not fixed well, then you would simply find another shop and keep going until the problem was fixed.

The same goes for fixing your relationship. If your first, or even second, experience with a counseling professional is not what you had hoped - keep trying until you find one that works.

I currently work with a couple who tried 3 other marriage counselors before they came to me. They say the other professionals were fine, they just weren't the right fit for them.

If you think you need help, then you do. Find the help, be happy in your relationship and in your life. You deserve it, and so does your partner.