Some Books to Read

Currently I have 5 books in process on my nightstand and I thought I'd share a couple with you that I think every woman should have her library.

Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnston. I am fortunate to have Anita as a friend and part of my circle of women. She is a renowned national speaker on the issue of women and disordered eating and has created her own eating disorders clinic here in Honolulu. As Anita explains in her book, food is not the problem in a woman's disordered eating, it is the symptom. Anita is a gifted storyteller and uses stories, methaphors and the context of women through the ages to help women develop a healthy relationship with food and their body.

The New Feminine Brain by Mona Lisa Schultz. Did you ever wonder why your husband can't seem to keep up with all your activity planning, or asks you over an over again what is happening on Sunday? He's really not trying to make you crazy. It's all about his brain. Mona Lisa is a behavioral neuroscientist and renowned medical intuitive who has been studying brains, behavior and intuition for many years. In this book she illuminates how we can embrace the feminine nature of our brains and how our brains play a part in everything from depression, to anxiety, to our women's intuition.

If you have a great reading recommendation, post it in the comments.

Free Hugs!

Check out this great 3 min video. Then make sure you give and receive a Free Hug today.

What a fun easy way to increase your energy, boost your mood, give someone else a great feeling, and let a little love flow.

Good for you, good for us all.

Parents - Take Note

Last week my sister and nephew came to visit for a week. My nephew is 2 1/2 years old, and in the terrible or terrific twos - however you look at it. He is a great kid, as is my sister a great woman, but together they are tough to be around.

That's because my sister is a permissive parent. She's doing the very best with what she knows, and I commend her for all the wonderful parenting that she's doing, but you just can't go through the day - and enjoy it - with a 2 1/2 year old without some structure and discipline.

Here's the advice I gave to my sister - which worked beautifully with my nephew, by the way.

Give appropriate choices. When your kids are young (before age 8) they live quite in the moment and don't plan out their afternoon. Don't ask 'What do you want to do today?' to a toddler - the kid doesn't know! Do ask 'Would you like to go to the beach or the playground?' And, make sure that BOTH the choices you offer are quite alright with you.

Use your mommy voice. Almost 80% of our communication comes through our tone of voice. So, when you tell a child to 'Stop It!' with your sing song 'Let's Play' voice, you are sending a double message - and your child believes the tone, not the words. Mommy voice does not mean yelling, it means that you deepen your tone, increase your volume slightly and add a bit of force.

Be in charge. Believe it or not, your child wants you to be in charge and that means that you call the shots. It's necessary to give choices, options and leave space for your child's contributions, but it's even more important that your child knows that you've got the control. This means making statements as opposed to questions during certain times. If it's time to go to the car, or get ready for bed, tell your child so and don't offer the opportunity for no.

The Power Statement. I learned this from Parenting Coach, Barb Desmarais - 'I'll know your ready to......, when you.....' This works great for shaping kid's behavior around things they want to do. 'I'll know you're ready for the smoothie when you're sitting at the table', worked great for me and my nephew. He jumped to the table every time.

Consistency, consistency, and follow through. You already know this. When you say 'If you do that one more time, then you're going to time out', know that initially your child will test you. They want to know if you really will follow through. You have a better likelihood of ending undesirable behavior if you really do give a time out, or whatever it is you said. Once you say it, do it! There are really no second chances in a child's mind.

Get trained. How did you learn to be a parent? Likely from your own family of origin. Most of us had parents who did the best they could, but could have done better at something. You as a parent are either going to do the same thing, or rebel against it and go completely the other way. Neither may really work the best. Read parenting books and go to a parenting class or two. You trained for your job and you took a test for a drivers license. Why would you want to wing it with the most important contribution you'll ever make to this world? Contrary to popular belief parenting classes are not just for the 'bad' parents that get send by Child Protective Services - they are for every parent who wants to add some tools to their parenting toolbelt.

Here's some resources for you:

Classes
Redirecting Children's Behavior Parenting Classes

Books

The Parent's Handbook: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP)
Parenting Teenagers: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens (STEP)
Parenting Young Children : Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (Step) of Children Under Six

What other resources do you have? Let us know in the comments section.

You've Got the Power - It's All You

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Which wolf are you feeding?

We become what we think and we create what we think, so what kind of thoughts are most prevalent in your mind? Those of abundance, gratitude and strength? Or those of blame, anger, and shame?

I find it amazing to watch what happens in people's lives when they realize that their thinking has been their own worst enemy and they have in large part created their misery.

While this concept sounds simple, changing the habit of negative thinking is difficult for some.

There are many resources out there to help you along. Certainly, if your thinking is impeding your relationships, your livelihood or your health, then counseling is a good option.

You also may want to watch a new movie that has been getting a lot of buzz lately, called The Secret. It's not in theatres or on Netflix, so you'll have to go to the website and download it. This is really worth anyone's time and I recommend watching it over and over and over......

Other resources that may be helpful in changing your scarcity thinking to abundance thinking are Choosing Prosperity and Wealth Beyond Reason. These websites give great information, audios, and interactive experiences to help you create a greater degree of abundance thinking in your life.

I ask you again, which wolf are you feeding? Look around you, you created it. Do you like what you see? Do you like what you feel? If not, then change it.

It's the Small Things That Count

Mother Theresa said:

"We can do no great things - only small things with great love"

A friend of mine forwarded an article to me (thanks Craig) from Orion magazine that illuminates how these words of wisdom from Mother Theresa impacted the author's ability to live well in a world of turmoil.

Regardless of the turmoil in the world as a whole, we are always striving to find the way to make our mark, to make a difference, to leave the greatest impact.

This can be a daunting and overwhelming endeavor if your expectation is that your mark and impact will be through great and giant efforts and accomplishments.

We have been trained to believe that only the bigness of effort and outcome is what is important.

Well - what about that hug and kiss that you gave your 1st grader as she went out the door this morning. Or the cans and bottles that you took to the recycling center this weekend. Or, the sincere compliment that you paid to your friend. Or, the loving kindness that you extened to a person in need.

These we consider small things. They will not necessarily get you on Oprah, but they will make a big difference in someone's life - not to mention yours.

If we all did small loving things daily in a conscious way, they will certainly add up to greatness overall.

What small things can you do with great love? Right now - what can you stop to do that will make a loving impact? Do it. And then make a choice each day to do whatever you are doing with great love. Then watch your greatness grow!

Multitasking is a LIE

Do you wear the term ‘multitasking’ like a badge of honor? Do you, with great pride, brag to your friends and coworkers that you can manage more tasks at once than an octopus? Are you convinced that you are much more efficient doing 2 or more things at once? I’m here to tell you that multitasking is a big fat LIE! Multitasking does not help us get more things done; in fact it reduces our productivity and efficiency and increases stress.

Corporate and social culture has created multitasking as a norm. With many companies doing more with less, and business owners having to straddle multiple personal and professional roles, there is a certain expectation to get it all done and be responsive to every beep and ring tone that demands your attention. As wonderful as communications technology has become, it has created the side effect of tremendous distraction.

Recent research has shown that when we switch from one task to another there is a lag in our brain’s ability to catch up to what we are doing next. Our brain requires time and energy to move from one task to another. So, when you are working on a project and are interrupted by a ringing phone or beeping email, your brain needs a bit of time to reorient to focus on the project. You actually take longer to complete your project because the time it takes to refocus your brain adds to the completion time.

Additionally, research indicates that habitual multitasking can actually increase stress. This happens because your perceived control, or the feeling of how much control you have in your world, diminishes. The other way that stress increases is that continued multitasking trains your brain to pay attention to distractions both inside and outside yourself, so it becomes naturally harder for you to focus. Less feeling of control and difficulty focusing on tasks = more stress. And who wants more stress?

The simple answer to the multitasking lie is to simply do one thing at a time. But how possibly can you do that when you’re juggling a big job, kids, and an attempt at a personal life? It’s all about shifting yourself away from the ‘shiny object syndrome’ of following that which captures your attention in the moment, towards a bit more structure. Read the rest of the article to find out how you do that.

You can listen to me talk about the lie of multitasking at my podcast, Coaching A Go Go.

Time for Confession

I've been AWOL. I can't really call it a summer vacation - I'll call it summer chaos instead.

Here's what happens when you buy a house, move into it and start a new business: all normal routines go to pot!

Talk about unfocused, uninspired and energy only for the very basic life sustaining and organizing endeavors.

I actually was a little surprised at how easily I could let go of my lovely little blog posts, my monthly ezine, regular networking and all those other things that keep my coaching biz blooming and flourishing.

But, I'm also equally surprised that with a simple decision and a bit of planning I'm back on track with a new schedule that allows for all new and old endeavors to coexist in harmony.

So.... I'm back and ready to blog!