PYL #4 - Energy Wasters - Bad Habits

We all have bad habits. And, I define bad habits as those things we regularly do that don't serve our best interest or higher good. If you read the article in Living in Balance, then you will have already made a list of your bad habits. If you didn't read this article, then go ahead and make a list right now.

So, how do bad habits affect your energy? It's like watering a weed. Your energy is being diverted to watering the weed, so you don't have much left over to water the flowers, herbs and vegetables.

One of my bad habits lately has been to watch more TV than normal. I've been keeping an eye on it, but I've also realized that I'm watching TV partly to avoid doing some other stuff that is perplexing me. So, my time is being spent on TV and my energy is being spent on being anxious about not getting the things done that I want, so I actually don't have the energy to do them. Rather a wicked circle, but one that I'm changing right now. I don't want weeds in my garden!

Is your garden full of weeds? Then, lets put on the gardening gloves, get out the tools and weed whack!

Here's how you do it.

1. Ask 2 questions about your habit: How does this habit/action serve me? & What is it that I really want / need?
2. Then, make a choice about whether you want to continue your habit or grow something new.
3. Take some action - towards your new action or habit that will better serve you.
4. Get some help if you need it.

Habits can come in many shapes and sizes and likely you will have to whack down a few big weeds that are crowding your garden. These big ones are often easier when you get help. Go to a counselor, a coach, a treatment program, a hypnotist, a pastor, or whatever you need to get the help to eliminate a big weed from your garden.

How have you handled bad habits? Are you still struggling? How do your bad habits affect the rest of your life?

PYL #3 - You Just Can't Control Everything!

The last one of our Energy Vampires - or things that we tolerate - is having to put up with things we simply cannot control. You've got a few of those I bet.

You've done your best to take action to eliminate energy vampires, you've set good boundaries with people and are maintaining them, but there are still some things in life we've simply got to put up with because we just don't have control over them.

Traffic comes to mind for a lot of people. So do some behaviors of others that we find irritating, but that they are not willing to change.

This particular energy drainer of being out of control is all about mindset and attitude - which is sometimes the hardest thing to change.

My Aha! moment about traffic came almost 15 years ago when I lived in Southern California and drove the freeways regularly. One morning as I was locked into the grid of traffic during my morning commute, fuming at how stupid traffic was, cursing other dumb drivers, and in general blowing my top about having to be in this asinine situation at this moment, I realized that not one other person on the face of this earth cared that I was upset. Hmmmmm. And how effective for me was being upset at that moment? It didn't make an empty lane appear magically in front of me, it didn't cause drivers next to me to roll down their windows and tell me what a bum deal I had, and it certainly didn't allow me to arrive at my destination cheerful and ready to work. What a simple realization that has forever changed the way I view those things I have no control over.

When you find yourself in a position of feeling your energy draining away (anger, frustration, irritation, etc) because of a situation that you can't control, ask yourself:

• Is there anything I can do to change this situation so it works better for me? If so, then take action and do it.
  
• If I can't control this situation, then how can I make it more pleasant and useful for me or distance myself from it? Example: I sleep with earplugs at night because our neighborhood has multiple barking dogs.
  

Now dealing with people and their behaviors requires a couple different questions:

• Have I set a clear boundary and am maintaining it?
• If I choose not to set a boundary or this person chooses not to honor it, what can I do to distance myself from this behavior?
• Now here's the really great question - What about this person or their behavior is something about me that I don't like.

The last question is a doozy and most folks don't know what to do with it. Know that it is human nature for us to respond negatively to characteristics or behavior in others that we don't like about ourselves. When you can turn the situation around and find the part of you that you are uncomfortable with, then you have turned the situation into one you now can control.

Food for thought. Let's hear what you think about this.

PYL #2 - People - aarrgh!

I can guarantee that on your list of things that you tolerate in life there is at least one person's name and probably several situations involving other people. In our life we just have to interact with some folks who don't think or act like us and in our humble opinions are kooks, jerks, or worse!

In most cases of having to manage other peoples' behavior, it's about boundaries. Boundaries are our rules of how we allow other people or situations to impact or influence us and it is our job to teach others how to treat us. If we simply allow another person to behave badly towards us and then don't set and maintain a boundary, we essentially are giving that person the green light to continue the bad behavior. It is then our own fault.

Last week I was visiting a wonderful friend of mine who told me a story about a situation that she was really disturbed about. A close friend of hers has a new boyfriend who propositioned my friend at a social gathering. She was appalled and stunned and paralyzed. Because she does not expect this kind of behavior from her girlfriends' partners, she found herself blank and speechless and feeling oddly guilty. This happened several weeks ago and she continues to be very bothered by this man's behavior, not only because it was sleazy, but because she and her husband will be on a trip soon that will include this man. She feels very uncomfortable with the thought of being around this man, yet feels equally uncomfortable with the thought of confronting him with his bad behavior. I think even though situations may be different, the feeling of being caught between two uncomfortable choices with regards to other people's behavior is pretty common for us gals.

My friend asked me my opinion on how to handle such a sticky situation. A perfect time to set a very clear boundary. My advice was to speak with this man at the outset of the group vacation and clearly state that his behavior was unacceptable to her and should he repeat it or anything like it she will make it known to his girlfriend.

What do you think? How would you handle such a situation? How have you set a boundary and maintained it for yourself?

Plug Your Leak (PYL) #1 - Things You Tolerate

So, you are now aware that there are 3 different kinds of things that we simply tolerate, or put up with in our life

• physical objects or things we can control
• people or situations with people
• things or situations out of our control

Let's talk about the first category - the clear things we can control.

I'm travelling this week (which is why there's been a lag in posts) and one of the things that drives me bonkers is having to wait - a reality in travelling these days - in a place where I am bombarded by the TV. Usually it is tuned to something I find tremendously distasteful and I can't seem to escape it. Usually I would classify this in the category of things I can't control, but that is no longer true! I now have a handy little device called TV B Gone and voila my toleration is no more. I can easily (and surreptitiously) turn off any TV in my midst.

Now, wouldn't you know it. I have not encountered any obnoxious TVs in my trip so far. The TV B Gone seems to be working even in the bottom of my bag!

As I thought about this little device and how I was going to use it this trip, I realized that I had just taken care of a big travel toleration for me. No longer will I feel trapped in TV jail and have my energy leaking out and turning into frustration, irritation and crankiness.

So, what action can you take to eliminate a toleration from your list?

• schedule clutter busting an hour a day
• hire a house cleaner
• get a great friend to come over and help with yardwork
• take your car to the car wash weekly
• buy or create just the right containers for your stuff
• create a filing system that works for you

Pick a toleration or two from your list and eliminate it today! You can you know. It's not that hard. Usually what gets in your way is overwhelm - you just don't know quite where to start. The key is to break it down into small bite size pieces. Don't think about organizing your whole house, think about cleaning out the hall closet. If that's too big, then just do one shelf. Bite size = do-able action. And then, a funny thing happens - you sometimes get going and find your energy increasing and increasing and you get joy out of your process and lo and behold 3 closets are cleaned out and you can't wait to do the rest!

Let's hear from you. How have you been successful at eliminating those things in your life that you used to put up with?

Plugging Your Energy Leaks

Last month you learned several strategies to put energy into your bucket, but what good does that energy do if it's leaking right out? Learn about the 3 different types of energy leaks and continue to check back during this month to find practical ways to plug the leaks in your bucket.

You wouldn't leave your garden hose outside with the spigot turned on, would you? Well, why then would you let your energy drip, drip, drip out of your own bucket?

I'm sure you also have some great strategies that work for you now to plug those leaks, so please be sure to share them in the comments.