PYL #3 - You Just Can't Control Everything!

The last one of our Energy Vampires - or things that we tolerate - is having to put up with things we simply cannot control. You've got a few of those I bet.

You've done your best to take action to eliminate energy vampires, you've set good boundaries with people and are maintaining them, but there are still some things in life we've simply got to put up with because we just don't have control over them.

Traffic comes to mind for a lot of people. So do some behaviors of others that we find irritating, but that they are not willing to change.

This particular energy drainer of being out of control is all about mindset and attitude - which is sometimes the hardest thing to change.

My Aha! moment about traffic came almost 15 years ago when I lived in Southern California and drove the freeways regularly. One morning as I was locked into the grid of traffic during my morning commute, fuming at how stupid traffic was, cursing other dumb drivers, and in general blowing my top about having to be in this asinine situation at this moment, I realized that not one other person on the face of this earth cared that I was upset. Hmmmmm. And how effective for me was being upset at that moment? It didn't make an empty lane appear magically in front of me, it didn't cause drivers next to me to roll down their windows and tell me what a bum deal I had, and it certainly didn't allow me to arrive at my destination cheerful and ready to work. What a simple realization that has forever changed the way I view those things I have no control over.

When you find yourself in a position of feeling your energy draining away (anger, frustration, irritation, etc) because of a situation that you can't control, ask yourself:

• Is there anything I can do to change this situation so it works better for me? If so, then take action and do it.
  
• If I can't control this situation, then how can I make it more pleasant and useful for me or distance myself from it? Example: I sleep with earplugs at night because our neighborhood has multiple barking dogs.
  

Now dealing with people and their behaviors requires a couple different questions:

• Have I set a clear boundary and am maintaining it?
• If I choose not to set a boundary or this person chooses not to honor it, what can I do to distance myself from this behavior?
• Now here's the really great question - What about this person or their behavior is something about me that I don't like.

The last question is a doozy and most folks don't know what to do with it. Know that it is human nature for us to respond negatively to characteristics or behavior in others that we don't like about ourselves. When you can turn the situation around and find the part of you that you are uncomfortable with, then you have turned the situation into one you now can control.

Food for thought. Let's hear what you think about this.