Feminine + Masculine = Whole Picture

There is a theme running through my life right now. It is showing up with my coaching clients, in my conversations with friends, in my own business development, and even in the fiction that I've been reading. It's this concept of integrating the aspects of feminine and masculine to create a a strong, centered, whole. It's not about being a man or a woman - it's about the qualities and methods of the feminine and masculine.

You may be thinking about masculine and feminine stereotypes about now, which are not that helpful, so here's some further definition.

Feminine qualities (which men also have and it doesn't make them feminine!):

• process oriented
• relationship based
• creativity
• intutition
• inner focused
• success defined by inner satisfaction
• ponders and processes
• flat structure

And masculine qualities:

• goal oriented
• object based
• practical
• focused on information outside self
• success defined by outer satisfaction
• action and gets things done
• hierarchical structure

Can you see how both of these aspects are helpful and useful? Without a balance between the masculine and feminine in ourselves we would either be floating in the clouds or goal driven machines.

My friend Cat and I were talking about this and I shared with her that the symbol of the feminine was a spiral and that of the masculine was a straight line. She totally identifies with the feminine spiral aspects of life, but is quite comfortable in the super masculine and hierarchical worlds of advertising and real estate. What Cat has discovered is that she doesn't have to be one or the other - bohemian or yuppie, as she describes it. Being one or the other creates a feeling that she's missing something and then she boomerangs to the other extreme.

Think about the masculine and feminine like a continuum - each at one end. Let's say feminine is 1 and masculine is 10. We each have our own comfort zone and that which we work best in. If you are forcing yourself to be markedly outside this comfort zone then your natural self will try its hardest to swing you back, and likely past your zone into the opposite arena.

I discovered this when I left my executive job. I actually incorporate a fair amount of masculine in my very strong feminine presence, but when I created my own business, Balanced Life Coaching, I realized how neglected my feminine nature was, and I began to understand why my administrative, managerial jobs (that I was pretty good at) were so draining and unsatisfying for me. They were forcing me too far to the masculine side of the continuum and not allowing my natural feminine qualities to share the stage.

My friend Sue gave me a great example the other day (another great conversation with Sue!). She talked about how when she and her teenage son have a fight, she noticed that her son (and her ex-husband) would begin to totally lose the content/topic of the disagreement and switch completely into a strategic position that would more allow him to win. Great distinction - strategy vs. content. For Sue's son it became about winning, not about solving the problem. Sue developed her own strategy of bringing him back to the content of their disagreement so they could resolve and move on. A nice blend of the masculine and feminine.

Where I'm really in discovery with this whole concept is in running a successful business. Most of our business models are oriented towards the masculine - hierarchical, sales copy, information based, strategic planning, bottom line driven. These are important, but where does the feminine fit in - the intuitive creative flow, inner satisfaction, service to clientele, connection and collaboration, process instead of win. They're both very important in business. But how do they fit well together? Especially for those who are feminine oriented?

Any thoughts from you? I'd love to hear some other ideas about this. And, I'll put up another post as I get clearer on this for myself.