How do You Define Success?

I've just finished reading Michael Gerber's great book, 'The E-Myth Revisited'. I thought for the longest time that this book was about technology (the title's not that great), but what a delight to discover that this was a book about creating your small business from the inside out.

Finally, a book that combines for me the specific and practical aspects of creating and developing a small business, but with a heart and soul. I have found myself so resistant to the traditionally masculine models of business (see my post below), but I have known that I needed to incorporate these practices to be successful. Now I have a map how to do that. I asked for help in managing the feminine and masculine aspects of business and I got it! How powerful is that?!

So, this has had me pondering about success. What is it? I think often when we don't explore for deeper meaning we equate success with money, but it's not a secret that money buys things, not feelings. I also think that the concept of success can be limiting for us. Sometimes we consider success to be the end of the road, the place which we strive to be. Well, what happens when we get there? What do we do next? Just sit around and feel successful?

Oprah says that when your wildest dream comes true that just means you have to create a bigger dream.

So, success is maybe markers along an evolving road? If you think about it that way, aren't there lots of successes then? The little ones, like losing that 10 lbs, and the big ones like selling your company for a million dollars.

Success to me means growth. It also means freedom and connection. There is some dollar amounts that weigh in on my definition, but the money is not the most important. I feel successful in a day if I end with a feeling of accomplishment - that may mean in my business, in my marriage, in my health... I also feel successful if I have acknowledged a limitation, a fear perhaps, and acted anyway. That's a big success for me.

How do you define success? How do you attend to your own success every day?

Need a success partner? Someone to help you define, notice and act your success. I coach women to achieve their success - www.coachbalance.com.

Feminine + Masculine = Whole Picture

There is a theme running through my life right now. It is showing up with my coaching clients, in my conversations with friends, in my own business development, and even in the fiction that I've been reading. It's this concept of integrating the aspects of feminine and masculine to create a a strong, centered, whole. It's not about being a man or a woman - it's about the qualities and methods of the feminine and masculine.

You may be thinking about masculine and feminine stereotypes about now, which are not that helpful, so here's some further definition.

Feminine qualities (which men also have and it doesn't make them feminine!):

• process oriented
• relationship based
• creativity
• intutition
• inner focused
• success defined by inner satisfaction
• ponders and processes
• flat structure

And masculine qualities:

• goal oriented
• object based
• practical
• focused on information outside self
• success defined by outer satisfaction
• action and gets things done
• hierarchical structure

Can you see how both of these aspects are helpful and useful? Without a balance between the masculine and feminine in ourselves we would either be floating in the clouds or goal driven machines.

My friend Cat and I were talking about this and I shared with her that the symbol of the feminine was a spiral and that of the masculine was a straight line. She totally identifies with the feminine spiral aspects of life, but is quite comfortable in the super masculine and hierarchical worlds of advertising and real estate. What Cat has discovered is that she doesn't have to be one or the other - bohemian or yuppie, as she describes it. Being one or the other creates a feeling that she's missing something and then she boomerangs to the other extreme.

Think about the masculine and feminine like a continuum - each at one end. Let's say feminine is 1 and masculine is 10. We each have our own comfort zone and that which we work best in. If you are forcing yourself to be markedly outside this comfort zone then your natural self will try its hardest to swing you back, and likely past your zone into the opposite arena.

I discovered this when I left my executive job. I actually incorporate a fair amount of masculine in my very strong feminine presence, but when I created my own business, Balanced Life Coaching, I realized how neglected my feminine nature was, and I began to understand why my administrative, managerial jobs (that I was pretty good at) were so draining and unsatisfying for me. They were forcing me too far to the masculine side of the continuum and not allowing my natural feminine qualities to share the stage.

My friend Sue gave me a great example the other day (another great conversation with Sue!). She talked about how when she and her teenage son have a fight, she noticed that her son (and her ex-husband) would begin to totally lose the content/topic of the disagreement and switch completely into a strategic position that would more allow him to win. Great distinction - strategy vs. content. For Sue's son it became about winning, not about solving the problem. Sue developed her own strategy of bringing him back to the content of their disagreement so they could resolve and move on. A nice blend of the masculine and feminine.

Where I'm really in discovery with this whole concept is in running a successful business. Most of our business models are oriented towards the masculine - hierarchical, sales copy, information based, strategic planning, bottom line driven. These are important, but where does the feminine fit in - the intuitive creative flow, inner satisfaction, service to clientele, connection and collaboration, process instead of win. They're both very important in business. But how do they fit well together? Especially for those who are feminine oriented?

Any thoughts from you? I'd love to hear some other ideas about this. And, I'll put up another post as I get clearer on this for myself.

The ICF, Blogs and Coaches (oh my!)

Isn't it the greatest to see your name in print? I love it!

The International Coach Federation (the great guru organization for Personal and Professional Coaches) has a newsletter called Coaching World, in which is published mostly interesting information to keep coaches abreast of what is going on in our industry. And, in this edition I merited a small mention in a section about blogs and coaches. Cool, yeah?

I'm a member of the ICF and will in the next year or two become a certified coach. That's a good thing. Coaching is an unregulated profession right now, and that's fine with me. However, I think it is important for anyone who's going to hold themselves up as providing a service in any profession to go follow certain rules:

• Get the best training possible - not just the fastest and cheapest
• Even if you think you have the skills, still get the specific training
• Continue learning and training throughout your professional career
• Practice what you preach - if you're a coach, get coached
• Join an organization that upholds a code of ethics and then follow it
• Give back to the professional community that you participate in

So, perhaps you are considering hiring a Personal or Professional Coach. If so, I would recommend choosing a Coach that is certified or a member of the ICF. In doing so you know that this Coach has been through a rigorous process of demonstrating their skill and has agreed to uphold an ethical code.

You can check to see if a Coach is a member of the ICF through the Find a Coach service. Only ICF members can list themselves here.

To Intend or Not to Intend...

My friend Sue and I got together the other night at our favorite catch up and have a martini (or two) place. We always have the coolest conversations, and this one was no different.

Sue mentioned that she really enjoyed my latest newsletter, which had an article on Powerful Intentions. Sue thought it was particularly interesting that I had distinguished between an intention and a goal - she said she had never thought about that before. Because I think formulating and using intention is such a unrecognized and misunderstood tool, I really wanted to know more.

This distinction between intention and goal is key, but a very slippery one. While I grasp it by framing intentions as questions, (ie. How can I make today great?), Sue defined intention as 'being in the state of allowing it to happen - getting out of the way.' (ie. Today is going to be great.) I loved that so much I had to grab a napkin and write it down! Both these examples of intention feel different than stating a goal (ie. I will make today great.)

Fine lines, yes. But, do you feel the difference? In a goal the energy is push. In an intention the energy is pull, or flow.

What do you think? What's the difference between an intention and a goal for you?

How does intention serve you? How could it serve you better?

I'd really love to learn more about intention and how you view it.

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